Saturday, 19 May 2018

Recipe For Disaster


This cake needs to be made in as random a manner as possible, in fact it needs to be baked as if you don’t care.
Ingredients;
Add lots of American republican attitude
Mix with Russian power and greed
Some ISIS narrow-mindedness,
Throw in some western religion and
A large helping of Trump
There needs to be a lack of any thought other than how you can bake it as quickly, as feasible and if possible, make as much money as you can. There should be no emotion or thought of those who share the cake, even if they are paying for it.
Smile at all times, look positive while constantly reiterating there is nothing to worry about. Keep claiming it’s a bargain.
It is useful to convince the consumer that this is what they really need. The Ryanair of cakes, cheap, make some people sick but what do you expect for the price. A picture of Michael O’Leary or Trump on the box would be nice. In fact forget the box, it’s too expensive, just sell the recipe online and they can bake it themselves, the pictures can accompany this. Charges for using credit cards will apply.
Baking;
This cake is best baked in an open field with a wild wind blowing across it, while young children run around unsupervised. If the wind is blowing in different directions and there is no shelter, all the better.
More ingredients;
A large slice of Negativity
Generous helpings of Alcohol
Some pessimism
A Lack of self-worth, add depending on your taste.
A large helping of politicians, a mix of all persuasions will add flavour.
Lots of false promise
 A blast of lies, multiplied by as many as you can muster.
A wide smirk
Generous sprinkling of guns, loaded with irresponsibility.
Lack of respect
A selection of recreational stimulants, then add some more
Stir well while mixing with a Sour disposition
Add lots of capitalist delusional optimism
Add more promise, needs to be convincing
Some more alcohol
Plenty of religion, a mix of opposing views will stir nicely.
As much greed as you can stomach and a little more
Another dash of false promise, you shouldn’t be able to detect when baked.
Hot air
Dark cold weather sprinkled and mixed well
More stimulants
Make sure you don’t go near any cook books or online facility to check weights or values.
A sprinkling of happy mushrooms
Smile
Oven level;
Bake at level ‘Random’ in an oven with loose electric wiring and unclean for as long as possible.
Pretend to check at regular intervals.
 Be nosy.
Use rudeness with lots of arrogance to prod and make sure sentimentality is not allowed near it.
Leave in oven until ready or burns badly.
This cake is best mixed by those who couldn’t care less, but make sure to keep telling purchasers that it was baked on time and if you can whistle an aggravating tune while doing so, all the better or should that be worse, 
who cares.

JC-Dublin-A City that loves it's cakes